I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
