last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
