yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
