Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
