Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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