Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
