How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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