Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
