If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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