it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
