You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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