At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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