Having a random hookup so left but love u
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
