Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
