ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
