There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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