your parents love me but you hate me
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
