you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
