I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
