I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
