Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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