I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
