I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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