This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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