evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Rumble strips road head = magical
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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