I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
