Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
