I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
