She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize