Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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