so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
