Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
