from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
