TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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