I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
