He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
