Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
