I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
