no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
