There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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