I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
