I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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