She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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