I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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