1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
