you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
