You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Never joke about your clitoris.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize