she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
