if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
