Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
How does one acquire holy water?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize