He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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