Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
