Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
