Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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