so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
me + whiskey = a bad person
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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