Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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