Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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