Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
