Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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