used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
