He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
