Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
