the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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