shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
