Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
