I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I want to be your penis for a week.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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