He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
