he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
