Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
