forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
